….& tired? Oh my goodness, I began writing this post on Monday and got so tired that I never finished. It’s a good thing I didn’t because I just backspaced all of it!! I was a little (a lot) sad the night I turned 30 and I wasn’t really expecting it. All year I whined about turning 30 but I think I said it more to be funny than it actually coming from a real real place. Then midnight hit on October 11th & I felt a little blah. Fast forward 15 minutes and I was sitting at the kitchen table with tears in my eyes, my heart sinking, and my husband trying to console me lol!!
When I look back on life I don’t have many regrets, just sometimes a feeling of bad luck which leaves me resentful and angry. I can honestly say I hated my 20s until I met my husband which didn’t happen until the halfway mark at 25. Add in a couple years of beginning-of-marriage-stress-that-no-one-warns-you-about + moving 3 times, life didn’t begin feeling like bliss until just these past couple years. And now here I am, feeling like my 20s were a person and they have just walked out of my life, feeling like my youth is over, feeling like I never truly got to live during my 20s the way I should have. But then I realize… I’m living now. Through hard work, dedication, & blessings from God I can say that I’ve gotten everything I’ve always wanted. I always wanted to travel, own pretty things (eye roll at my younger self lol), be married to an incredible person, live in LA, the list goes on.. so what am I really mad about? That I didn’t get to casually date? Join sororities? Be popular in school? Spring break in Cancun? Cringe to all of it. Taking a step back and dissecting my pessimistic feelings, I realize I just wish that I had my current life earlier in life. But hello? who doesn’t want their success before the hard work? (not just talking about work-work, relationships are work too!)
While I moped in bed, my husband started up random chatter about Chinese bamboo trees. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to it but I gave him my attention anyways. He told me about all the attention and care these plants require every day but that they show no growth for what feels like forever. Fifteen years to be exact (after Googling just now I think he meant five, but same thing in this context) !! After 15 years of all that TLC, the Chinese bamboo tree shoots up six feet out of nowhere over six weeks. And he asked me “did the tree take 6 weeks or 15 years to grow 6 feet?”, I was being bratty and yelled “6 weeks!” even though I knew that was the wrong answer. Long story short, he cheers’d to his little Chinese bamboo tree at dinner last night lol!
It’s so easy to get caught up in what we can show for ourselves without acknowledging the blood, sweat, & tears it took to get there. Age is not just a number, they are years to be proud of.
I’ve waved bye-bye to my 20s & welcome my 30s with open arms… and a few fine lines + a slow-ass metabolism. ;)